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An Epiphany About My Epiphany to Leave Mormonism Part 2

So...

When my daughter told me that she vehemently wanted to have her name removed (which I have not done), I thought about her Mormon extended family members approaching me and saying, "Why would you allow that?"

And I thought about how I would answer.

"It's her decision."

"She wanted it and I couldn't deny her of that."

"Why wouldn't I allow it??"

And then I realized, as I contemplated possible responses, that I should be able to reply to my OWN reasons for wanting to be severed from the church.  And I do indeed feel as though I've severed myself from the organization, regardless of being on the records or not.

But WHAT could I say that wouldn't warrant the typical responses of, Ashley just didn't truly have a testimony OR Ashley doesn't understand the meaning of Joy (an actual thing that's been said to me) OR Ashley didn't do all the things she should have done.  

So I went back.  I thought very deeply…

An Epiphany About My Epiphany to Leave Mormonism Part 1

"Ashley left Mormonism cuz her husband was gay."

I just gotta think that people wanna simplify my excruciating journey away from the church in this way.  Or something similar.  Regardless of the pain of so many major events for me (the Prop 8 summer, my divorce, this talk by Boyd K. Packer, my bishop rolling his eyes at me when I needed help paying rent although I'd been a full tithe and fast offering payer for 20 years, to name a few).

I also gotta think that a lot of active members that I know have to try really hard to stay in the church.  Like I did for years.  And when I was trying really hard to stay in it, I would see friends who'd left and think, "They're not trying as hard as I am (hair flip)."

Ever since I've considered myself done with Mormonism (i.e., Ashley no longer believes nor participates) one of my greatest distresses has been that I haven't known quite how to articulate to still believing members why I left.  Not to convinc…